NOT A CHILD’S PLAY…
I can still sense her presence. I know she is standing just behind me and
peeping at what I am writing down. I have always thought that I am thinking too
much or I am just a coward but I guess I am wrong. I do not even remember when
did had started but it’s been years that I have been thinking on it a lot and I
guess now I know the beginning of it.
When I was little I was scared of all this ghostly stories but on the
other hand it used to increase my curiosity every second and it still does. I
used to all the horror TV shows despite the truth that I will be having
nightmares. I was so intrigue by horror stories that; I somewhere wanted to
experience it. So I often tried to call spirits in every ways which I have seen
in the TV shows. It never worked. But now I know that someone is always behind
me whom I can only feel. I think one of the processes has worked out and some
spirit is now with me.
I have never told all this stuff to anybody because I was quite good at
hiding my thoughts. I used to have a good control over my anger and I was a
good girl but something went wrong. I am not that person any more. Now I cannot
control my anger and that have made everything horrible. My anger has become so
destructive that I started to hurt myself, I become senseless when I am angry.
I got this huge push from my back to get angry all the time and hurt myself because
somewhere I began to enjoy hurting myself. But all this things were taking a
cruel turn because I began to behave in human. I began talk differently, in a
different nasal tone, in a different dialect. I began to like different food,
different apparels, I was living a different life.
Whenever I was doing something different I kind of lose my control over
myself because I know what I am doing but I could not stop it. I am writing
down all this because I know something horrible is going to happen soon and
want my parents to know that something was wrong with me and I was not doing all
this of my own. And I can control my consciousness for few hours; I do not know
when I will be controlled by her. I have tried telling my parents that I always
feel the presence of someone and now I am seeing a psychiatric but nothing is
helping me out.
At the beginning, I used to feel someone following all the time and then losing
my temper all the time. After that I started to cut myself with everything
possible, I would never feel the pain. I was given medicine to sleep. I would
either sleep or cut myself whenever I lose my temper. I tried my best to
control my anger but I was losing it and I was scared like a little baby. I was
terrified when I started to eat raw meat. I know I was eating but I cannot just
stop myself and I was feeling like I was eating my own puke. I can feel my
tears rolling down. Nobody noticed this gruesome act of mine and I was so
scared to tell anyone that I have started to eat raw meat. And few days I woke
up from my sleep and no one was in the room, it was noon and everyone was
taking a nap. I went straight to the kitchen and started to look for knife but
it was nowhere to find, there were not even glassware. I was losing my temper.
Then suddenly my stares fall on the fork and I could feel myself smiling. I
took the fork and went back to my room.
I started stabbing the fork in my hand. I was trying hard to stop myself from
stabbing but the force was too hard on me. Blood began to spill from my hand. I
was trembling with fear but there was nothing I can do to stop myself. Then I began
to taste my own blood. I have never tasted anything that has taste like blood,
it tastes different. I was terrified of what I was doing. I licked every drop
of blood from my hand.
I have scares all over my body and the doctor and my parents still think
that I am suffering from some mental trauma. Why would not they just understand
that there are several things which cannot be treated by science? I have tried
explaining everything to them but they have never truly listened to me. I was
feeding on the raw meat and when there was no flesh in the kitchen I was
drinking my own blood. I was becoming inhuman. Nowadays I am locked in my own
room and mamma would come often to check on me and when I look at her, I can
see how desperately she wants me to be normal again but even she would not
believe that some ghost is on me, even she would not try to understand that I
am possessed.
Somehow I managed to convince mamma that I do not like the smell of meat
in the house so please stop bringing meat inside the house. She bought it and
she stopped bringing meat. I was glad that, I was at least not eating uncooked
meat but on the other hand I was drinking my own blood. Whole day and night I
would lie on my bad, doing nothing. One day mamma got me a puppy as gift. She
told me that the puppy would entertain me and I would feel better. I was so
happy to get the puppy; it was like getting fresh air in the evening. I began
to admire him like anything but as soon as mamma left then I do not know from
where it came but I smacked the head of puppy on the table and he was as still
as the table itself. I feed myself into the puppy’s still body.
When mamma inquired about the puppy, I told her that he ran out of the
door. I was terrified and disgusted with myself that I ate the whole dog
without leaving a single bone behind, I feast on it. I was becoming weaker day
by day and I was having my session with the doctor regularly but nothing was
helpful to me. I hated myself for trying to call the dead without even knowing
the consequences. My childhood act has ruined my whole life. Because of a
single mistake, I have become a flesh-eater now. I just have known by then that
all such things are risky enough to try, if only I have known by then, I would
have never ended like this.
It was my mistake to call a dead person. The spirit does not have a body
and now she is taking me as a host and I have to live with it. I cannot even
blame the spirit for making me do all this because she is dead and I called
her. I know spirit is a girl because she likes applying makeup and dressing up
like a girl. I have never liked all this stuff and as the force from her has
started to control me I often end up doing all this stuff. She loves red color
as I often end up applying red lipstick and in red apparel.
One day as usual she was making me apply all those makeup stuff which I
have not even heard of from my mamma’s drawer, mamma came in and she was
holding a baby. I looked at the baby and I felt funny inside my stomach. Mamma
told me that Neena aunt’s daughter delivered this baby few months back and she
has came to meet you and introduce you to the baby. I was feeling a wicked
smile on my face. Neena aunty was one of my favorite aunty and she was not able
to come here because she was engaged with her daughter’s delivery. I was done
with my makeup and I invited her to my room. I requested aunty to keep the baby
on my bed as I wanted to play with her. We began to talk but from inside I was
feeling desperate about something.
They finished their tea and aunty said that she wanted to talk something
with mamma so they were getting up from the couch but I requested to leave the
baby with me for a while. They went out and then I face towards the baby, she
was so innocent and carefree. She was smiling at me. I was leaning towards the
baby and I know what was coming. I tried stopping myself. I jumped out from my
bed and tried running out of the room but I was being taken towards the baby
with a powerful force. I was screaming and wailing but I could not hear any
voice coming out of my mouth. I landed on my bed again. Mamma and aunty came
back but they were late and my mouth was full of flesh…
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